So apparently St. Patrick’s Day is a big deal. I, personally, had no idea.

It’s not just about getting attacked by strangers for not wearing green, which is what I, personally, have always believed.

The actual holiday is to commemorate and celebrate the arrival of Christianity in Ireland. That’s a bigger deal than just wearing green and pinching people! That’s a way bigger deal.

But there’s more… On top of that pertinent information (that I, personally, never had #notbitter), Irish people are taking over the world! And we didn’t even see it coming. It was just this haze of green, and now, St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated in more countries than any other national festival!

Other nationalities and ethnicities shouldn’t feel bad for having been hoodwinked like this. It’s not like it was some incredible strategy or feat of military strength; it was, simply put, the luck of the Irish.

Soon, we’ll have to wear green every day. What a nightmare!

It’s time for an ingenious counter attack of trickery and deception. Let’s hoodwink the hoodwinkers by *playing along* in their quest for world domination.

• First, we’ll need to camouflage ourselves…

Buying and wearing designer green things has never been easier since Savvy Consignment came into existence.

Main Street Trader is the county’s one-stop shop for all things wild and wonderful, i.e. hunting. Get actual camouflage here!

• Now, we’ll need to get somewhere green, which should be pretty easy to do. The greenest of all green things would probably have to be … outside. In West Virginia (Marion County most especially), you can’t get any greener than our trees, hills, grass, and moss. We’re covered!

Valley Falls: Hike the trails invisibly.

Rail Trails: Meander through the county camouflaged.

Morris Park: Take a hike – no one will ever know.

Pricketts Fort: Walk the trail, connect to the rest of the rail trails or simply blend in here.  

• You know the saying, Keep your friends close…  but keep your leprechauns closer.

Learn more about this international green craze exploring the Celtic Garden and lore at the West Virginia Folklife Center.

Read up on Irish literature and Irish authors at Kerri’s Korner Bookstore.

• We’ll also need a lot, like *a lot* of beer.

Get a flight of Marion County specific and delicious beer at Short Story Brewing in preparation for and during St. Patrick’s Day 2019.

Thank goodness for the Joe n Throw for compiling so many good beers in West Virginia right there with coffee and matcha tea lattes (green!).

The Rambling Root is our one-two punch, very necessary to our plight. They’ve got all the goods: West Virginia beer, their own beer plus Irish food.

• Eat, sleep and breathe green

Health Naturally: Green juice powders, green veggies in capsules, green protein bars will fortify your body with both nutrition and greenness.

Tuscan Sun Spa: Ready yourself for St. Patrick’s Day from the outside in! The Luminous C & Sea Facial sounds bright and green. Freeze dried seaweed makes you pretty – maybe there’s something to this green obsession.

McAteers is the true stronghold of the Irish here in Marion. So get your bearings (by doing everything I already told you to do) before you even think about going here for corned beef, cabbage, and potatoes.

• Let’s go over our strategy one more time. We cover ourselves head-to-toe in various green hues, find green surroundings, gain a deeper understanding of our enemy, ply them with beer, eat their food and no matter what happens, we never ever give up the fight for … whatever it was we were fighting for.